I learned to win friends and influence people with this book!

  

                                                      

    Personally, I think people suck. From what I’ve seen, most people in this world are annoying and I would rather be by myself. But unfortunately, that’s not how the world works. We all crave some type of connections with human beings. But how do we get that exactly? That’s what I hoped to gain by reading Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. 

The first thing I learned seemed like common sense, but I never really put it into perspective. This book reminded me that “criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance and arouses resentment.” This concept is not hard to grasp, yet it’s amazing how fool proof it is. Think about a time when you accused someone of something. You knew that they did it and still they outright denied it. No matter how evidence you collect that proves you’re right, this person continues to act innocent. That’s because this person's ego was hurt. They are being criticized for doing something, and that makes them feel inferior. To combat this and get them to confess, try approaching the subject calmly. Act as if it’s not that big of a deal. Then if that person doesn’t feel threatened, they are more willing to tell the truth. 

Another thing I was forced to come to terms with is that “when dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” Even though we are complex creatures, we are very simple at the same time. You can deal with people all the same, no matter if they are kids, adults, black, white or asian. All humans don’t like to have their feelings hurt. Even if logic should be someone’s first priority, emotions will always get the better of them. In that way, everyone is similar.

Finally, I learned of the selfishness of humans. When I think of selfishness, I always think of a negative connotation. When calling someone selfish, I think they are self absorbed and don’t care about other people. But this book puts it into context. “Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want, externally interested. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: We are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.” Everyone is selfish. You can’t deny it. An example this book gives is a guy who donates millions of dollars to a charity. Would you say he’s selfish? Of course. In the end, the reason he donated to a charity is because you wanted to lend a helping hand. If you hadn’t wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution. 

This book has been very insightful. At the beginning of the book it even gives you tips on how to fully apply these methods into your everyday life. I recommend this book to anyone who loves psychology and wants to learn what motivates people. I haven’t finished the book and it is still one of my top three favorite books.